Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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