we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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