Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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