either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
