Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
