If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
pop tarts are not kleenex
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize