pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
