if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
