The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
