True but thats because hes a fetus.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize