Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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