You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
