JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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