Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just want to make out with him forever
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
