you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
my liver is dry heaving
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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