I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
