Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
