Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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