I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
