dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
