i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
