hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
