U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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