Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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