About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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