so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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