How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
