Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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