She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
