I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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