What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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