I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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