You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
