his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
