so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
