THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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