that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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