Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
