How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
