uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
