it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
