I wish I could punch you in the face.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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