the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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