the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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