please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize