Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
