I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
