i already hear my dad disowning me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
