Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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