Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
