I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
