sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize