Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
