He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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