im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
