I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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