Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
