we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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