I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
