there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
