Jerry, you need to find god
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize