Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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