maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
