When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize