i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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