We won't sleep together?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
