So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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