i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
