I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
