I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize