i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
