I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So gin and wine won't be happening again
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let's get the cat blown out
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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