Duck Duck Cougar?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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