Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
