today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize