Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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