last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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