Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
