I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
