We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
