Michael Bay diarrhea
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
