Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
