woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
