No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
