I think I died a long time ago.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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