I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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