i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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