Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
