It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
