my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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