I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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