You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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