i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
